Im going to bed in my make-up. What the hell right?happy newyear eveyone!! *drunk as fuxk*

Heyday

just ordered this fleur dress from heyday so now im ready for both the queens birthday and 4th july. if you haven't been on that website you really have missed somthing. check it out!

god fortsättning

so since i am now an iphone-owner (yeah i know that some of you are laughing and thinking"told'ya"). instagram is such a nice swap from twitter if you are not a user of this app download it free from appstore or click here. oh god im probably soooo late with this i know but hey! nokia worked fine until the 25th. ;) if you are using it let me know cause i currently only following ONE friend and it's kinda boring. let me know! :)

ciao!

ps. apparently you can use it on some other smartphones as well. yey! d.s

iPhone geek

Got an iPhone which i now can blog from. Yey!!

merry christmas!

my christmas tree that i finished this afternoon.

i'm taking a blog-break for a few days over christmas. i'm a busy bee since i am the most enthusiastic christmas-fixer there is. i have now made my own snaps, paté, 4 kinds of candy, my homemade mustard, gingerbread (a whooole bunch), a gingerbread house, saffron buns, pickled herring. more is on the way so i really don't have time for anything else (plus i have to finish my knitting since that's suppose to be a gift for christmas). have a happy christmas everyone!

xoxo granny emma

nostalgic

i remember how much i liked this band when i was 15, good times. i like cds do they still make those?

The song.

winter ball

probably going for this one for the ball this winter. i never went to my high school one so i will just go all in on this one. if im going... still not sure about that but the dress is nice no? kinda ice-like.

this will make you feel better

this might be one of the most beautiful songs there is. it's called "så får du mig ändå" which is badly translated into "so you will still have me". it's about how the love for an other person is stronger than anything. that that person can which you away or hurt you until you can't breathe but you will still love him/her and him/her can still count on you being there. anyway it's a beautiful song, listen to it.

a clockwork orange

why did i think this was a good film to watch?

feel good film

one day i will merry a rich, handsome english gent and have a big flat in london. and my life will be like this:

i wish i never met you

you remind me of being happy i wish i never met you.

people say that im better off without you, that im too good for you. but i cant help myself thinking about that time when you dragged me into a phone booth to kiss you. i can still close my eyes and think of the moment my lips touched yours. how i felt that i was someone, that i actually made someone happy. i wish i never met you so that i could stop feel like i wasted my time with someone who didnt care about me. fuck all this im drunk and bitter and going to bed. good night.

life of a student

well yes it's the wrong way around im sure you can still see how much fun i'm having right now. i might add that this book is 704 pages. yeyyy!

yey!

christmas stress and school

other than that it's okay.

Saint Lucia '11

just made a whole lot of saffron buns for tomorrow morning. waking up at 4am yey. anyway, happy saint lucia.

texts

it's over. so over

yeah this blog is too depressing, i don't even get how so many of you still read this shit. 367 readers yesterday. anyway, i'm not gonna stop writing i'm just tired of reading about all this things that i write, i sound like a girl. ugh. god forbid. so yeah no more depressing stuff for a while. it's over now so anxiety can go away now. starting over is a good thing right? so this is whats up:

1. next exam on friday and i haven't even got the books yet, great start. the topic is "the effects of the organs due to usage of paracetamol".

2. was in gamla stan with mom and dad yesterday and got caught up in this: http://www.firstpost.com/topic/place/stockholm-riot-in-stockholm-on-10-12-2011-video-Z-u8yDIWiIc-617-1.html , loooovely....

3. when i got home the power was out cause some idiot dug, yes dug, up the wrong cord in the ground. i love living in the country.

4. i have to work on a sunday. i should just lie and say: "no i go to church on sundays".

5. i would like going to church honestly.

6. brunch day today and museum exhibition which i am really exited about.

yup i thinks thats about it folks. until we meet again. ciao!

quote of the day

never lose yourself while trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you.

can't do anything about it

pins and needles. anxiety and nervousness are my companions today. pray that it all goes well.

quote of the day

quote of the day

breaking someone's heart seems like a good idea when your angry.

quote of the day

night light

its snowing tonight as well.

tell me that it's gonna be okay. tell me that it all will work out. tell me i will be happy. tell me that you miss me. i dont fucking care, lie to me!

mirror mirror on the wall, who the f is that

honestly walked passed a mirror today and BAM! there is was, the face of someone i have never seen. the only way i could see it was me was my t-shirt that i recognized. i don't sleep, eat or move at all i feel like. today i drank 2 cups of tea, thats it. in the last month i have lost 8 kilos and i haven't even done anything. besides stressing myself out. let me tell you that being stressed and treat your body like shit happens when you study medicine. irony. i'm now like my own personal health observation project. i watch myself walk over the cliff to death it feels like. anyway so yeah attractive me have the exam in a few days.

quote of the day

im not having kids im adopting one of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKD56bSrHBQ&feature=related

quote of the day

my problem is that i can't stay mad. i always forgive people even if they don't deserve it.

people

we don't try cause we're scared of failing

we don't fly cause we're scared of falling

we don't breathe cause we're scared of chocking

and we don't love cause we are scared of being loved

I found this poem i wrote. me 15 years old and already tired of the world.

you

farmers girl

i love living here, the farmland. the people are just so fascinating and lovely. i just went to granny's house for dinner with my family and some friends and the most wonderful people were there. first of all it has to be added that my granny was raised during the 40s and 50s which means that even a small family dinner is something you dress up for (suits me perfectly). so tonight with the chandelier lit and the snow whit table cloth on we were the most odd crowd at that table. we were all raised as more or less farmers or estate owners so we are all kinda goofy and weird. the biggest topic of tonight was deerhunting, trucks and liquor. i got a ride home in a truck which made me feel like a cow but it was really nice. granny made a full dinner with starter, main and dessert. all home cooked from scratch of course. amazing amazing. but now my cousin and i are gonna take a ride down to the farm and look at this years christmas ham. cheerio!

my little pony

here she is. one of my best friends (that should tell you something) barrier creep or maya as she is called in everyday-terms. the photos are theres' and does not belong to me but the horse does (half of it anyway, my sister gets her butt).

things that makes me forget

this is why i stay up at night studying. pray it all goes well.

time to write something

realized after reading the last few things i wrote that life has changed a lot. if it is for the better? yes and no. i still wish sometimes that things turned out different but i know i will get through this, i have to. studying takes all my time it seems like, over all it's a lot of fun but i wish i could talk to someone else than my therapist about feelings, life and thoughts. life is pretty dark at the moment even if it doesn't show on the outside. i'm trying to hide how i feel from the people close to me, spare them the misery of knowing what i really think and do. mom thinks that the eating disorder is under control now but she doesn't know, no one asks or cares so why should i worry about it? it feels good somehow to just write this and maybe someone will read it and then i have talked to someone other than my therapist.

It amazes me how little people really know about me. let me just say that my life is just a freaking theatrical act. there is nothing on the outside that reflects the inside.

wow that felt really good. we should do this again. thanks for listening.

/Em

friday thoughts

should i care? i mean like, this is how its like normally? this is how the world works right? i find myself building this armor again, closing myself off. i dont even wanna talk about it. why am i even writing this? i dont know. i feel like im going into the old ways of thinking and acting. people tell me that is a bad thing but what do they know about me. i dont think anyone really gets me.

when i die

when i die lay me down on a bed of flowers

when i die we dont have to count the hours

it will all be gone and all be laid to rest

and instead of being sad thinking of how we were blessed

dont put me in the ground to rot

make me fly from my favorite spot

over mountains, hills and seas

far away you can always feel me in the breeze

and every tear that from your eyes will fall

and every night when you my name will call

think of the happy times we had together

then i will in your heart be forever.

i felt like writing something today. this was the best i could do.

almost there

i'm almost at the finish line of working towards my vacation i've been longing for so long. it seems like ages ago we sat down at the kitchen table in march and booked my 3 week trip to america. now i'm here and it's so exciting i don't even know where to turn. the best of all is of course that i get to spend this experience with him. he is excited too, but i think he is most excited about being able to bitch slap "the real world" in my face and see the reaction. whatever though honey, doesn't matter.

my room looks like a freaking mess of course, since i have to start packing "so early". my friend called me to day from the hospital and told me that i was crazy. i cried cause i didn't know that he was okay until i heard his voice. the world is smiling towards me. i wonder if the last 3 days are gonna move too fast so that i feel stressed out over not having time to prepare or if they're gonna move slow and i'm gonna die of boredom.

arhg! i can't wait!

happy birthday sweden

you can't change who you are or where you come from. and you should never feel the need to change it either.