you never leave my mind. even when i have a million things to worry about.
onsdag 29 december 2010
same place
yes, im still here. which is, to be honest with you, not where i thought or would prefer to be. but still life goes on even if it's sometimes doesn't work out like i pictured it to. im still very very lucky. i got a family and friends that i love, my other half (who'll be here in a week), a steady full-time job that i most of the time enjoy. i guess it's not all bad. i'll give it an other go in a year and maybe be more lucky a second time around, who knows. who cares.
fredag 24 december 2010
I have ruined christmas
i hate myself... i just woke up and i have ruined christmas for my entire family. i feel like i deserve to be hanged by santa himself. have you ever ruined christmas? well if you have, then you know how i guilty i feel. they were all looking forward to seeing each other and give gifts and eat nice food. now all that is gone cause i'm fucking sick and it's only getting worse. i told mom that there if there is anything i will not do is spending my christmas in hospital so we are staying home. believe me i tried to make them go to my cousin to see the rest of the family but they wont, they say i'm confused due to my high fever if i think that they would leave me alone on christmas. i don't care what they say i know for a fact that i'm not losing my mind. i'm not allowed out of bed in 4 hours because mom is nursing me. she is laughing and saying that she thought that she had the holidays off from working at the hospital. like that would make me feel better. i have lost my voice, literally, so i can't say anything and i can't even pick up the phone and tell my relatives i'm sorry and merry christmas. well this is my christmas 2010 obviously, the christmas i ruined.
happy holidays everyone.
torsdag 23 december 2010
in sweden we have christmas on the 24th
In Sweden, most Christmas celebrations take place on Christmas Eve, including Santa Claus's distribution of Christmas presents. Until the 20th century, presents were instead distributed by the Yule Goat, still today used as Christmas decoration and remembered by the famousGävle goat. Christmas dishes and meals are always served on Julbord (Christmas table), and often contain Christmas ham and the world-famous Janssons frestelse. Many families also watch Kalle Anka och hans vänner önskar God Jul (From All of Us to All of You), Karl Bertil Jonssons julafton, or a re-run of the Svensson, Svensson episode God Jul! (Merry Christmas) on the TV channel SVT1.
That's how we do it here.
onsdag 22 december 2010
tisdag 21 december 2010
måndag 20 december 2010
söndag 19 december 2010
lost my mind and found it under the bed
about a year ago it happened, life was turned upside down and twisted around in different and unexpected ways. i still think about it sometimes, but not so much about what happened but more how it changed me and the way i think.
when something happens that i have a hard time dealing with i first go crazy cause i'm not in control. i cry, i panic and then i fall asleep. like a child.
after this the time of reflection comes. introvert, silence and lonely.
and finally, where i find my self now, i deny that it ever had an effect on me. i find things to distract me. i don't talk about it, i don't speak about it. i buy and do insane and irrational stuff and call people i wouldn't have called ever unless something happened.
this time around i decided to stop my vacation i was granted, i don't sleep and just work on my design projects and finally i watch kids programs that i used to watch when i was 5.
so what i'm trying to say is i might have lost it but everyone needs to let me find it again. i'm sure that everyone has there own way of dealing with fear, disappointment and worries. what i'm really trying is to not talk about it so now it stops. you wont hear anything about it. i'm gonna go to work now and do what i obviously is good at, bureaucracy.
redecorating
i'm gonna redecorate my room now. i want it to be in like a 40s/50s style, which amuses people who think i'm crazy, but i really couldn't care less.
lördag 18 december 2010
torsdag 16 december 2010
måndag 13 december 2010
lördag 11 december 2010
Christmas spirits
when i was a kid one of my favorite films at christmas was the snowman. i don't know if you have ever seen it but you should. i used to sing "walking in the air" everyday form the first of december until the 24th, it's sucha beautiful song. and today it just popped up on my spotify when i was hanging up fairy lights in my room, i'm about to fucking cry out of happiness. merry christmas everyone (whoever you are).
onsdag 8 december 2010
more visdom from nj
seriously who would ever date a guy from jersey? come on..
can't wait for the next season to start.
wednesdaynight
okay that's it. i'm moving from this awful place. not only is it cold but my food delivery is stuck in traffic jam due to all the fucking snow. oh god.. why oh why was i born here?
måndag 6 december 2010
pathetic and miserable me
so my life fell apart today. and no not because someone died or i found out that i've cancer. no my life falls apart when i had a shit day at work then at the train station realize that i lost my train pass that costs me 1700kr a month and i bought it last week. yes, fuck this. so i ran out of the station house, into a park cried like a maniac then called mom to tell her that i have no money to pay the rent and that i just wanna jump in front of the next passing train (that i couldn't get on cause i had no ticket). then got home (somehow, i have no idea how). jumped into bed crying some more, getting angry at myself cause i'm behaving like a 3 year old baby, then! Boom! oh god i left it in my other jacket last friday. then i had wine whiles feeling like an idiot. called boyfriend who laughed and told me he loved me.
lördag 4 december 2010
Weather forecast
my tears froze on my eyelashes today, that's how cold it is. when i got in my hands were hurting since they got cold because i forgot my gloves at home. mom yelled at me for not remembering to bring them then she gave me a hug and warmed my hands. she's telling me that life is hard sometimes but there is nothing we can do but trying to do whats best for us. i don't know whats best for me, i have no opinion.
torsdag 2 december 2010
You
so here's the deal. the doctor tells me that we really see the world upside-down. the only conclusion i can come to is that you turn my world right.
onsdag 1 december 2010
tisdag 30 november 2010
Bedtime
completely lost the inspiration to live. feel like going out, lay in the snow, fall asleep and never wake up to see the sun rise. death is easy, life is hard.
lördag 27 november 2010
fredag 26 november 2010
Feed her poetry
Sometimes, to do what's right,
we have to be steady and give
up the thing we want the most.
Even our dreams.
- Peter Parker
torsdag 25 november 2010
onsdag 24 november 2010
Cold and freezing
This is what happens when I have a cold: I get grumpy and just wanna lay in bed all the time. Even though i have a fever i go to work and even if its a snowstorm out i go to work. now i'm gonna go to bed talk to the person in london who are blessed without a cold, drink tea and watch documentaries about ancient egypt. over and out
måndag 22 november 2010
High on drugs
kill me, i have the cold of this winter and we are short on staff at work which means that i have to cover for a dickhead and doing my real job on over time. yeah as i said kill me now.
torsdag 18 november 2010
onsdag 17 november 2010
Quote of the day
So about Harry.. Is he still at that wizard school? Isn't he like 38 or something?
- Nick Grimshaw
söndag 14 november 2010
Shit
I'm really doing this am i? drunk and dancing on the table. who said that red wine equals sophistication? i can't believe i just managed to spell that drunk... damn i'm good. whatever guys i'm gonna listen to adam tensta now.
Sunday
Well this is what you end up with if you are alone and bored cooking dinner for one.
Coming to a kitchen near you soon.
lördag 13 november 2010
Prenumerera på:
Inlägg (Atom)